Jul 122019

Life is what we make of it. We chose to live it with strength and peace. #YouCanDoIt

Life is what we make of it. We chose to live it with strength and peace. #YouCanDoIt
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I’m sharing my personal story as a part of the #YouCanDoIt Contest.

The only inspiring story I could think of is the one which involves the darkest phase of our life and the toughest phase of my personal journey – the loss of my husband Kaanan.

Kaanan was an excellent dad, excellent partner and a wonderful human being – the best that one can imagine.

He was the kindest, most gentle and patient dad I ever came across – he was so amazing in handling Zoya that he could completely match me in doing things I did. He wanted to put her to sleep almost every night- no matter how tiring or hectic his day was. He celebrated her every milestone, was an amazing teacher when it came to valuable lessons of life and held her tiny hands at every step of her life. The way he handled her innocent queries and her delicate nature was a marvel to watch.

But then,  he was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), a disease which is a silent killer for many. We lost Kaanan in a  long battle against his struggling health.

The saddest part is that I was not there in his last moments, to be with him or to comfort my 2.5 year old daughter who was standing and watching him sleep (in her language).

It was the worst day of both our lives – I lost my best friend and the most brilliant, loving person I ever knew. And my daughter lost the world’s best dad.

The first few days were very tough and unimaginable – our whole world had fallen apart. I had my grief and my little innocent child who did not know anything, to manage. She now didn’t want to leave my side for anything.

She did not know why she could not see or play with papa and we knew that explaining anything to her was futile as understanding death is beyond the comprehension of a child who is just 2.5 years. It became difficult to put her to sleep every night as she would constantly ask about Kaanan and we did not know what to do. Finally, when she didn’t sleep for more than 2-3 hours per day for more than a week, we reached out to our immediate family and a few doctors for help who suggested mild sedation till she is back to her routine.

It’s been toughest three and a half years since we lost Kaanan.

I took 1.5 months to get back to work to bring some normality back to our life for her sake. Since his memory was very tough for her to handle, we removed all his pictures and stopped talking about him in front of her or with her. Her memory of him did fade over a period of 7-8 months – but it was heart wrenching to see the memory of an amazing father fade away from our daughter’s mind.

For parents who lose their spouses when their kids are not of an age where death can be explained, it’s the toughest battle of life that they struggle with.

I can’t tell you how tough it is to tell a small child that she cannot be with her dad, no matter how much she cries.

All I can tell you is, that now I know pain, anger, helplessness , struggle like never before and nobody except a person who has been in the same shoes as us can understand this.

The pain never goes. You just learn to accept it. 

So my inspiration is me and my daughter – no matter how hard we fell and how hurt we were, we survived, we managed, we became better, we learned to smile and we learned to embrace my husband’s memory.

Yes it happened slowly and gradually but we made it happen with each other’s support and the support of a wonderful family and bunch of friends who always have our back.

My daughter and me, we inspire each other every day to stay strong. There are days when one of us is sad in memory of my husband but manage to cheer each other up and I love it when she tells me,

“I know mumma you are missing your best friend but now you have me so don’t worry.”

I feel so proud of myself and my daughter who has been my strength and a wonderful partner in this journey of life.

We will stay strong with almighty’s blessings.

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