Title: Girls Who Said Nothing & Everything – Essays on Girlhood
Author: Meera Vijayann
Publisher: Penguin India (an imprint of Penguin Random House)
Type: Paperback
Length: 272 pages
Age group: 18 years+
Though this book is technically a series of eleven essays, wholeheartedly written to show you the reality of being a woman, it is also strangely immersive in its raw honesty. It makes you stare down the thoughts that go unsaid, though the view of a young girl raised in a small, Indian town.
When one sees the word ‘essays’, you tend to assume it to be slow, factual and unnecessarily preachy – at least in my experience. They tend to take a generalised view on things, ignoring intersectionality. This book, however, is not like that. It takes a very honest approach and is written in a way that the protagonist (and author) is aware of her ignorance and is often confronted with it.
It is also incredibly well written, almost as if one were reading a fiction novel. The experiences are written in a way that they draw you in to the book, as if you were experiencing it yourself. It also feels achingly familiar, when reminded of the thoughts you once had, too. I could feel the shame the protagonist experienced through the pages.
Speaking of which – shame. This book covers, in a way I have never experienced before, the shame of simply existing as a woman. Knowing that the world was not built for you, that society is moulded to despise femininity and womanhood and yet there is a secret, correct, SILENT form of womanhood that is revered.
“In time, I’d learn that women had a lot to lose by speaking honestly about their pain.”
Understanding that many of the men in your life are just that – men. Women’s suffering to them is theoretical, and even if they do genuinely attempt to understand it, they will never experience it. There is a certain heartbreak there that this book captures perfectly.
“I’d learn in twelfth grade that the man’s disgust with girls didn’t end with girlhood – it extended to the whole idea of women as people. The idea that girls would grow one day into women, to have thoughts and dreams and opinions just like men.”
“It suddenly struck me that my father was born a boy. Of course, he didn’t understand.”
There is also the contrasting desire to be perceived by men, fear of the same and shame at wanting to do so. That feeling of having a constant eye on you is so, so accurate.
“Sometimes, I too wanted to be recognized by the man, be pulled into his inner circle just to feel special. Why did I think this way even though I knew he was a terrible person? I don’t know.”
Another aspect I really did enjoy is the emphasis on female friendships and how uplifting they can be. Even in the toughest of times, when the world tries to drag you down and come between female friendships, the mutual trust and love prevails. It mends the heartbreaks it never caused.
“In the love of sixty teenage girls, I began to heal.”
A part I did not expect to be tackled is that of caste. To my surprise – and that of the author – it played a surprisingly strong role in her story. Everyone assumes that if they are caste blind, they are progressive, when the truth is that there is privilege in that notion. One cannot ignore the suffering of others just because they themselves have not faced it – and this, too is covered.
At some point, I realised that I had stopped marking the words in the book as the author moved on to a stage of life I have not reached yet, and that’s alright. Though it was not relatable, understandably so, I do think that it was enjoyable and a few years down the line, re-reading it will bring to me that same, familiar feeling that reading the previous essays did.
If I were to be critical of any one aspect, it would be the pacing toward the end. The essays suddenly felt either too slow, or too rushed, and it seemed unintentional compared to how carefully the rest of the book was written.
Despite that, I do think that every girl should pick this book up. In its pages I found my own thoughts, both those I dared to share out loud and those I never fully could get myself to. I felt seen in a way I did not expect when I first started this. When I showed some of my favourite lines to my friends (quoted above), they, too, felt connected.
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